I can never find a girlfriend
I've wanted to post about this for a while, and it's one of the reasons I registered for this forum. Here's the fact of the matter. I will most likely never have a girlfriend. How do I know? Well, I'm 25 years old and I've never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl and never even held hands with one or touched one in a romantic way at most I've only ever handshaked and hugged my female friends, that's all. That's enough proof for me that it is never going to happen.
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15 Reasons Why You Have Never Had a Girlfriend
This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query.
Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough? Is it my opening lines? Am I a boring person?
Am I too fat or too thin? Or am I simply ugly and completely unattractive to women? Not the author, though. I, for one, refuse to spend my life brooding over my lack of luck with women.
While I'll be the first to admit that my chances of ever entering into a meaningful relationship with someone special are practically non-existent, I staunchly refuse to admit that it has anything to do with some inherent problem with me. Instead, I am convinced that the situation can be readily explained in purely scientific terms, using nothing more than demographics and some elementary statistical calculus.
Lest anyone suspect that my standards for women are too high, let me allay those fears by enumerating in advance my three criteria for the match. First, the potential girlfriend must be approximately my age—let's say 21 plus or minus three or four years. Second, the girl must be beautiful and I use that term all-encompassingly to refer to both inner and outer beauty.
Third, she must also be reasonably intelligent—she doesn't have to be Mensa material, but the ability to carry on a witty, insightful argument would be nice. So there they are—three simple demands, which I'm sure everyone will agree are anything but unreasonable. That said, I now present my demonstration of why the probability of finding a suitable candidate fulfilling the three above-noted requirements is so small as to be practically impossible—in other words, why I will never have a girlfriend.
I shall endeavour to make this proof as rigorous as the available data permits. And I should note, too, that there will be no statistical trickery involved here; I have cited all my sources and provided all relevant calculations 3 in case anyone wishes to conduct their own independent review.
Let's now take a look at the figures. We start with the largest demographic in which I am interested—namely, the population of this planet.
That is not to say I'm against the idea of interstellar romance, of course; I just don't assess the prospect of finding myself a nice Altairian girl as statistically significant. Due presumably to the time involved in compiling and processing census statistics, said report's data is valid only as of , so later on we'll be making some impromptu adjustments to bring the numbers up to date.
I'd've thought that, given the title of this essay, this criterion goes without saying. In case anyone missed it, though, I am looking for exclusively female companionship.
Accordingly, roughly half of the Earth's population must be discounted. Sorry, guys. We now further restrict the geographical area of interest to so-called "first-world countries". My reasons for doing so are not motivated out of contempt for those who are economically disadvantaged, but rather by simple probability. My chances of meeting a babe from Bhutan or a goddess from Ghana, either in person or on the Internet, are understandably low.
In fact, I will most likely spend nearly my entire life living and working in North America, Europe, and Australia, so it is to these types of regions that the numbers have been narrowed.
Being neither a pedophile nor a geriatrophile, I would like to restrict my search for love to those whose age is approximately equal to my own. Personal attraction, both physically and personality-wise, is an important instigator of any relationship.
Of course, beauty is a purely subjective trait whose interpretation may vary from person to person. Luckily it is not necessary for me to define beauty in this essay except to state that for any given beholder, it will probably be normally distributed amongst the population.
Again, intelligence can mean different things to different people, yet I am once more relieved of making any explanation by noting that it, like most other characteristics, has a notionally normal distribution across the population. Fellow unattached males will no doubt have also noticed a preponderance of girls legitimately offering, "Sorry, I already have a boyfriend" as an excuse not to go on a date.
For reasons of morality and perhaps too self-preservation , I'm not about to start hitting on girls who have husbands and boyfriends. Accordingly, that portion of the female population must also be considered off-limits. Naturally, finding a suitable girl who I really like is no guarantee that she'll like me back.
In practice, however, people are unlikely to consider pursuing a relationship with someone whose looks and personality just barely suffice. Let's make the rather conservative assumption, then, that a girl would go out with someone if and only if they were at least one standard deviation above her idea of average.
In that case, referring to our previous calculation, only That's very nearly 67 years. As a North American male born in the late s, my life expectancy is probably little more than 70 years, so we can safely say that I will be quite dead before I find the proverbial girl of my dreams.
Come to think of it, she'll probably be dead too. So there you have it, my friends—finally, a cogent, scientific, non-self-deprecating argument for why I will never have a girlfriend. I wouldn't bother if I were you. Update : My sarcastic pleas for some e-mail have finally been answered.
Take a look at this letter from a hysterical female reader , which I think perfectly demonstrates the point of this entire essay. I think the fact that she's a WebTV user explains a lot—in fact, I was sure this e-mail was an April Fool's joke until I noticed the return address.
You are free to produce translations of this article as long as you credit me as the original author, and link back to the English original if possible.
Please send me a link to your translation and I will add it to this list. Tristan Miller. ISBN Translated by Andreas Svensson. Why I will never have a girlfriend. Longman, 8th edition, The Annals of Improbable Research , 8 3 —17, ISSN Longman, I am convinced that this behaviour is the real reason for today's alarmingly high divorce rate.
Washington, DC: U. Government Printing Office, Perhaps attractiveness, being a largely subjective trait, does not lend itself to quantification. It is not unreasonable, however, to assume that like most other traits, it has a normal distribution. Indeed, this assumption seems to be backed up by informal observation and judgment—in any reasonably large group of people, most of them will be average-looking, and a tiny minority either exceedingly beautiful or exceedingly ugly.
Appendices Translations of this article You are free to produce translations of this article as long as you credit me as the original author, and link back to the English original if possible.
This essay is discussed in Chapter 7 of Joseph M. Reagle, Jr. A version of this article appears in the following publications:.
Why I will never have a girlfriend
This is a question that practically every male has asked himself at one point or another in his life. Unfortunately, there is rarely a hard and fast answer to the query. Many men try to reason their way through the dilemma nonetheless, often reaching a series of ridiculous explanations, each more self-deprecating than the last: "Is it because I'm too shy, and not aggressive enough?
With the addition of social media and the abundance of dating apps available today, you think it would be easier than ever to get a girlfriend. It turns out that this over-reliance on technology is making people more and more socially inept. After all, why awkwardly approach a girl and stumble through asking her out when you could just send a flirtatious text message to test the waters? In fact, why not forgo the entire process of courting a girl when there are plenty of adult website that can satiate your every need?
14 Reasons Why You’ve Never Had A Girlfriend (And How To Get One)
Subscribe To Our Newsletter! We are going to uncover oodles of different common and not-so-common reasons why you might be having trouble in the girl department, so you can take action to make positive changes. After you understand why you are having issues, then you can make a plan to break through your obstacles and find a solution. Use as many approaches as you can until you land the girl. In other words, they give up prematurely. Rinse and repeat. Ask a girl out and get her phone number. Keep doing it until you get a yes. Having too many set features or characteristics is going to set you up to fail.
21 Reasons You Can’t Get A Girlfriend
Updated: October 22, References. Once you get your heart set on a special girl, all you have to do is show her you care before you make her yours and start a fun and meaningful relationship. If you've never had a girlfriend before and want to find the right girl for you, search for someone who shares your interests, instead of focusing too much on looks. For example, if you love sports, try meeting a girl by joining an intramural sports team. You could also join a band or orchestra if you like music, or meet people online if your interests are more obscure.
And if you have no idea why then the best thing for you to do would be carrying out in-depth soul-searching that will enable you to find the reasons behind your singlehood. You also have to be willing to do things that you are uncomfortable with in order to get a girlfriend. You see, life is all about getting your hands dirty and taking risks especially if all you want is happiness. Come to terms with the fact that girls will reject you and learn never to take it personally.
5 Things To Remember When You Feel Like Love Will Never Find You
It was my first and, to date, only relationship and lasted less than two years. I was devastated for a long time. Since then, I have recovered from the psychological problems I was having. I have worked in a lot of jobs, got an MA and moved to a small town to complete a PhD on a topic that I am passionate and excited about.SEE VIDEO BY TOPIC: Why Most Guys CAN'T Get A Girlfriend - DON’T Be THIS Guy!
Each of these stages constitutes a crisis every human will experience during his or her lifetime. That question alone triggers memories of my own identity crisis as a young teenager dealing with the onset of puberty. I would get angry at the drop of a hat, and I struggled to understand my place in the world. Successfully exiting the identity crisis stage is an essential precursor to adulthood, as teenagers leave their youth behind and start to grow up. For me, conquering this stage took an incredibly long time. Erikson defines this state as beginning as early as 13 and ending around
This happens so often to you that you start expecting women to stop texting you back or disappear into oblivion, because no matter what you do differently it always ends the same way. Guilty of pushing girls away at the last hurdle? Click Here to Jump to Reason 9. You will never know the truth of how a girl feels about you without talking to her. Without communication.